What is this darkness that descended?
I barely discern its grasp
so wrapped in hypocrisy and self-righteousness
dark forces slither in unnoticed
my heart was glad
my sorrow banished
my thoughts on the future
my life re-engaged
I saw You, a blur on the side of the road
a speed limit sign I was going too fast to register
I ignored the initial pricks of Your correction
and later the thud of Your body thrown under my tires
to slow me down
You sent counselors
they spoke truth
but I could not hear
I would not hear
I refused to heed
Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft
Rebellion a power so great it blinds
my rebellion, cloaked in justification
and false purity blinded me to Your truth
the corrective measures,
designed to redirect me
provided only my temporary awareness of being off the path
the rough terrain, the lack of smooth pavement
only provided a twinge of consciousness of my sin
as my focus sharpened on the sin of others,
of my adversary and of my friend,
the log blinded me to my own wickedness
But in Your mercy
You persisted
Your promises were uttered
You would not relent
You would keep me
You would hedge me in
you would deliver me
from my strong enemy
the enemy within
You know my frame
You know my ways
You know the plans
You know my future
so you woke me from the dullness
You re-sensitized my conscience
My eyes flew opened
I saw the great precipice on which I tottered
the great fall I was about to make
I was suddenly aware of the danger
I was confronted with the evil
I had been nursing and enjoying in my heart
all the trappings and disguises peeled away
the black darkness of my sin
threatening to pull me in became clear
I had almost stumbled
I had almost caused another to stumble
O God!
My heart is crushed by my betrayal of You
You coax me back from the edge
My tears flood my shoes
I grieve but You are close
You never let go
I step behind the protective fence of Your law
safe once again
Teach me anew, O God
Keep me from evil,
from enemies, within and without
Protect me
Forgive my trespasses
Be my God
I need You
Every hour I need You
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